Time Tug-O- War

by: Katie M.

Balancing time between your significant other and your friends

Finding a great significant other is a wonderful part of life. Sometimes you become so caught up in a relationship that you start devoting most of your time to being with the one you love. However this dedication can start taking up too much of your time. Your friends, those who were there before your new boyfriend or girlfriend, may start to feel neglected since they no longer get to spend as much time with you as they used to. It is tempting to spend every minute of your "free time" with your significant other since you enjoy their company, but friends should not feel left out from your life. 




Time is definitely limited among the lives of young people between school, jobs, hobbies, friends, family, and significant others. There is only so much free time during a week to spend with loved ones after responsibilities are taken care of. However, when it comes to your relationship with your friends and the relationship with your significant other, balancing your time among them becomes very important. There are a few ways to create this balance so that your boyfriend or girlfriend, friends, and even you can be happy.

Create equality within your free time 

After school, work, and other obligations are met, think about how much free time you actually have. Once you know how much time you have to spend with friends or your significant other, try to split it equally. This can be done by days or even hours. With seven days a week, try to spend three days a week with your significant other and three days a week with your friends, while using the other day to catch up on time to yourself. If you cannot split your time among days, split your time within your day. You could spend the day with your friends and spend the night with your significant other or vice versa. Your time doesn't have to be split right down the middle, but when it comes to hanging out with your friends or spending time with your significant other, you want to try to give each of them a relatively fair amount of time within the week or day. Neither your significant other nor your friends should feel like they are losing you to one another.

Address the issue if it starts to become an problem

If your friends or your significant other start to say things like "You're never around anymore" or "I miss spending time with you," you may start to realize that you have been spending too much time with one or the other. When your friends or significant other says something like this, they may make it seem like a joke, but it may not be. The best thing to do in this situation is to address your friends or significant other directly. Ask them straight out about how they feel about you hanging out with the others. Try to explain to your friends that you enjoy spending time with your boyfriend or girlfriend and you still enjoy spending time with them as well. If they feel that you are spending too much time with your new love interest, try to truly listen to them and see what they might suggest. Also talk to your significant other. Explain to them that you need to spend that quality time with your buddies, even though you may like to spend most of your time with him or her. Suggest that they have a night where they spend time with their friends so that you can spend time with your own friends. If your friends and boyfriend or girlfriend care about you enough, then they should understand. Sometimes it is alright to tell someone "no" and explain that you need to devote some time to all of those that you love. They want you to be happy, and you're trying your best to keep them happy as well.

Make plans and don't break them!

Part of balancing your time between your significant other and your friends, requires a bit of planning. Your friends or your significant other may want to go somewhere in particular with you at a certain time. When making plans with either, make sure you are actually free. Don't tell someone that you will be with them when you had already had plans with someone else. Being ditched is a terrible feeling and neither your friends nor significant other should have to feel ditched by you so that you could spend time with someone else.




Multi-task your social life!

Sometimes you don't need to leave someone out. There are occasions where you can spend time with both your significant other and your friends simultaneously. Group hang outs can be a lot of fun. It is great to spend time with your significant other and his or her friends so that you can become close with them. It is also good to have your loved one hang out with you and your friends so that they can become closer as well. Every moment that you spend with your significant other does not have to feel like a date, where it is just the two of you. There should be time for alone time and also time to have a nice day or night out with all of those who are close to you. You could even arrange time where both your friends and your significant other's friends can all hang out, creating a possibility of double dates. If your significant other and your friends can get to know each other better, they may not feel jealous when you want to spend time with just your friends or just your boyfriend or girlfriend. By including your significant other and your friends in things that you do, nobody feels left out and you strengthen your social circle.

Although time is limited, when it comes to balancing the time between your significant other and your friends, it really isn't that difficult. By trying to split your time equally, communicating, making plans and keeping them, and hanging out with your significant other and your friends simultaneously, no one should feel like they are not getting enough of your time. Relationships with friends and with a boyfriend or girlfriend involve making sacrifices. Sometimes you just need a night out with your buddies, and other nights are great for being in the arms of the one you love. You just need to make sure to not neglect anyone so that everyone can be happy.